Repro Alert

Celebrity Style and Outfits

Celebrity Impersonations Compilation – Studio C


-Hey guys! Welcome to another
compilation. This time, it’s all about
celebrity impressions. -[impersonating Johnny Depp] I think you’re going to very
much enjoy impersonations which I will do. -That is an amazing
Sean Connery. -No, that was– -Nailed it. -That was Johnny Depp! -Enjoy! -Dang it. [crow cawing] [camera clicks] [door opens] ♪♪ -Mom? -He’s gone, Jonathan. Will’s gone again. I don’t know where he is. [80s theme music plays] Joyce:I don’t know
where he is.
-No. There’s no way. -I’ve searched everywhere. He’s gone! But if he could communicate
through the lights before, he can do it again. -Okay. -I’ll pull out the Christmas
tree as well. -Wait, why? -We have to reach him,
Jonathan! It’s the only way! ♪♪ -Help me with these
decorations! -What about the lights? -Just help me. We have to contact Will. ♪♪ Do you see Will? -Anything else? -Hang this mistletoe
in the kitchen. Will? Will? -Why is there a turkey
in here? Joyce:We have to reach him,
Jonathan! The smell will reach him! -I don’t understand. -Go to your room! Go get more lights! -Mom! Joyce:Hurry up, Jonathan!Will, can you hear me? Ah! -Why are you putting up
so many decorations? Joyce:The love will bring
him home, Jonathan!
Will?Will!?-This is ridiculous! -Come help me in here! -What is this? -It’s Father Christmas,
Jonathan! Will! -I’m almost positive
this thing took Will. -Christmas might not be
enough. Scatter these all around. -Mom! -Quick, put this next
to the elf. -Seriously? President’s Day? -I’m gonna light these, so– -Mom, stop! Stop. He’s gotta be around here. There’s no need for this. -Will says he loves us. -Mom, no. -Fax me? Go fax him, Jonathan! -Just sit down, mom. -[yelling] Go fax him!You’re cool.Oh, thanks, Will. Will:Mom?-Will? Sweetie, is that you? [screaming] Will:Mom?Mom?Joyce:Will!-Are you okay? What happened? -There was a man. He saved me. -Was it Father Christmas? -No. ♪♪ Jonathan:[whispering]
President’s Day worked.
-You’re safe now,
young Will Byers. -Thank you, Rushmore
presidents, sirs. Roosevelt:Remember,
young Will,
speak softly and
carry a big stick. -‘Cause that Demogorgon, he’s
goin’ down like a cherry tree. Announcer:Good evening,and welcome to the 2016
democratic debate.
[cheering]I’m Anderson Cooper,
the official moderator.[audience laughs]Tonight, we will be
broadcasting this debate live on YouTube where many
of the questions asked will be pulled from the
comments section. Marjory, what
is our first YouTube question? -First comment. -Oh, sorry, what is our first
comment? -No, that is the first
comment. It’s “first comment.” [laughter] -Okay. What is our second comment? -“First comment.” -Marjory. Go to the first question. -“Could you please subscribe
to my channel?” [laughter] -I would do anything
for your vote. -I’ll subscribe twice. -No, that’s not how it works,
Governor. Marjory, can– are there any
relevant comments? -Yes. -Thank you. -“Duh freak I just watch? Dis is fake.”[laughter]-This debate is very real. -No, uh, he’s referring
to your hair. “Dat dude’s hair is too think
to be dat white. Dat has to be fake.”[laughter]-Yeah, I was gonna ask
about that. -That is not relevant.[laughter]Who wrote that question? [email protected][laughter][applause]-Sometimes Bill uses
my account. -Okay. Senator Clinton,
assuming that Marjory has screened the comment
section a little better, why don’t we have you answer
the next question? -Great. -Sorry, I got distracted by
a suggested video of a polar bear cub. Have you guys seen this? It’s adorable. -Have you seen the one with
the mother panda bear who’s sneezing? -Yeah. Everyone has seen that,
Governor. Don’t try to fit in. The YouTube community
will eat you alive. [laughter] Marjory? -Okay. Question for Senator Clinton: “Do you hate Justin
Bieber, too?!” -I do. This nation has suffered long
enough from the condescension of one spoiled teenager. -No, Senator, you don’t have
to answer that question. -Is that because I’m a woman? Cooper:What?No, that has nothing–Marjory, can you please just
find a pertinent question? -It got voted top comment. [laughter] -Someone must have
something interesting to ask the candidates. -“Say the name of your crush,
hold your breath, and then tell this same thing
to five other people!” -Beyonce.
-Hugh Jackman.
-Theodore Roosevelt. All: Say the name of your
crush– Cooper:Stop. Don’t do it.It’s a chain comment.It’ll never go away if you
follow its directions.
-“Check out this site that’s
giving away free iPads! This post has been
marked as spam.” -Spam is a very American
dish. It’s made in Hawai’i. -Please, skip to a pertinent
question. -Well, most of these comments
are extremely offensive. -Just find one. -Okay. -Wow, that is very racist. -Yes.[laughter]-Keep scrolling. -Okay. -Keep scrolling. -Okay. -Oh, this nation. -Okay.[laughter]Found one. “Broke the replay button!” -This is live. There’s no replay button. -Colon, end parenthesis. -Just say “Smiley face,”
Marjory. -“First comment!” -There can’t be three
first comments! -“Why are you all stuppid? I be emberaced if I wuss you. Dis is why Gorge Bush wuss
electric twice, so be quiten gtoffdisplz–“[laughter]Is that–does anyone know
what that last word says?
-Gender roles.
-[gibberish] -I think it’s Arabic.[laughter]-Okay. Clearly, YouTube is the wrong
format for this sort of debate. -Okay. -Why don’t we move over to
Twitter. -Okay. Our first question is from
@publicvoice78, who asks: “Do you agree with
the political reformative views of Nelson Mandela?” -Now that is a respectable
question. -He’s attached a picture of
Samuel L. Jackson for reference.[laughter]-Mandela was great
in Winter Soldier. An inspiration.[cheering]-Mr. Lucas? JJ Abrams is here to see you. -Mr. Lucas, you asked to see me? -JJ, sit down, and call me
George. JJ, I’ve asked you here today
because I am dying.[laughter]-Oh, my gosh, George. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do
for you? -Actually, there is. As director of the new
Star Wars film, I want you to carry out my
dying wish. -Name it. -Change the name of Star Wars
to Space Adventure Fun Times.[laughter]-That’s your dying wish? -It is. -I’m not sure I can do that,
George. -JJ, you’re the director. Trust me when I say you can
literally do anything you want and they can’t stop you.[laughter]I once put a random
musical number into the
Return of the Jedi just to see if anyone
would stop me. They didn’t,
so it’s a thing now.[laughter]-I’ll look into it. -Good. It’s what the people want. -I’m not sure it is. -Well, either way,
it doesn’t matter, ’cause I just end up doing
whatever the Hoth I want. -Okay. Well, if that’s everything. -There’s something else. -Oh good. -Luke and Leia should end up
together.[laughter]-George, they’re brother
and sister. -Wait, what? When did that happen?[laughter]-You revealed it
in Episode 6. It was pretty shocking! -But I had them kiss in
Empire Strikes Back! -I know. That’s why it was shocking! -Oh, gross![laughter]This is the worst mistake
I have ever made. -It really isn’t. -We need to fix this. Grab the original film reels and call the computer
graphics department. -No, George, we’re not changing
fundamental plot lines. -We can do anything, Jar Jar. -JJ. -Anything.[laughter]They can’t stop us. You want Tatooine to have a
couple more suns? Boom. We can make it happen. -Let it go! The movies are done. -They are never done. Art is a work in progress! -Yeah, but when da Vinci
finished the Mona Lisa, he didn’t go back 30 years
later and say, “You know what, I want to add
a wampa in the background.”[laughter]-A wampa would greatly
enhance the beauty of that painting! -Luke and Leia are siblings,
end of discussion. -Well, what about Chewy? -What about Chewy? -I have some wardrobe changes
I’d like implemented. -You want Chewy to wear
Leia’s metal bikini?[laughter]-They bring out his eyes. Also, we’re changing Lando’s
name to Coolio Starstache. -George.[laughter]-And I want Luke’s robotic
hand to be replaced by an ewok. Not an ewok hand, mind you,
a full ewok.[laughter]Also, the Millenium Falcon
should be redesigned to look more like a butt. -George, why? Why would you want to
do this? -I don’t know, JJ. Why does R2 have the ability
to fly in one episode, but never do it again? What in the name of Endor
is a Midi-chlorian? Why is pod racing given
20 minutes of screen time? I don’t know! I’m pulling this stuff out
of my tauntaun![laughter]-George, let it go. It’s time to let someone else
take the reins. -You’re right, you’re right. Promise me you’ll take care
of the legacy. -I’ll do my best. -Thank you, JJ. Oh, and JJ? Han shot first. -Good to know. -Because he’s racist. -Okay.[laughter][cheering][mechanical sounds] [coughing] -I did it! I traveled back in time! Now, to find Hitler and stop
World War II. [futuristic whirring][cheering]-It worked! I’ve traveled back in
time to– Great Scott! Who are you? According to my research,
there was no one in this room in 1938. -I’m here to stop Hitler. I’m from the future. -So am I. You haven’t seen him,
have you? I brought with me chloroform
and a sock full of nickels. -What year are you from? -1985, and you? -2015. -Great Scott! Then I’ve already failed. [whirring again] -Greetings, dudes![cheering]I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire. -And I am Ted Theodore Logan, and we are here to
stop World War II. [guitars play] -Is it weird to anyone else
that none of us are trying to stop World War I? It’s not like that was
a picnic.[laughter]-We originally tried to stop
Hitler’s parents from meeting, but we’re the reason
they met in the first place. Total bummer. -Time travel is confusing. [guitars play] -Great Scott, history is
being written by two mad men in a phone booth! [zapping][cheering]Make that three.[laughter]-If you’re here to stop
Hitler, get in line, pal. -No. Well, maybe later. I just came to deliver these. -What’s this? -I’m suing. For copyright infringement. Bill and Ted: Bogus. -I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Except I’m not! Allons-y![laughter][cheering]-Now, we need to come up
with a plan. Hitler’s going to be through
that door at any moment. [poof] Ah! -Too many turns.[cheering]-Whoa.
-Bratwurst! -Hitler’s a lot shorter
than I thought. -But surprisingly curvaceous.[laughter]-I don’t think I can do this. -Now, we can’t
stand here idly by when you have
the opportunity to– -Avada Kedavra! -Volkswagen![laughter][mystical sounds play] -Somebody already
killed him, so. [sounds play again][cheering]-I can’t believe you
did that! -Oh, come on, he was basically
the muggle Voldemort. -Did anyone else follow that
sentence?[laughter]-Well, I guess we
better bail. -Could I get a lift? This thing only works
in reverse. -For a bodacious babe
like you? Excellent! [guitars play][cheering]-Well, I’m gonna
go to 1995 and invest in something called Google. Or was it America Online? Well, I’m sure they’ll end up
equally successful, so–[laughter]Wait a minute. If you’re from 2015,
where’s your hoverboard? -Yeah, where is it? Get it together, Earth![cheering][phone ringing] Woman [on phone]:
Mr. Scott, Christian Bale
is ready to audition.-Oh, yes. Send him in. -Hello, Ridley. -Christian, hey. These are our producers. They wanted to sit in. -Big fans of your work. -Now, Christian, we think
you’re a great fit for the part of Moses. You’ve got the fan base,
the Oscar firepower. You didn’t have to dress up,
of course. I mean, this audition’s
just a formality. -Yeah, I’m a method actor,
so, you know. -Right. -But would– Could we
just get started? -Yeah, let’s just jump into
a scene. Moses has just come
off Mount Sinai, he’s pretty haggard, but he has to deliver the ten
commandments to Israel. -Okay, okay. [Batman voice] I only have
ten rules.[laughter]-Whoa. What? -Yeah! -I felt it. Ah. -Christian, was that your
Batman voice? -No, that was my
haggard voice. [Batman voice] This is
my Batman voice, and this is my haggard voice. They’re completely different. Scott:Right, no, they’re
completely identical, actually. So, um, I’m just wondering,
can you imagine that voice threatening Pharaoh? -[Batman voice]
There’s a plague coming. -Okay. Granted, it sounds
pretty cool, but again, it’s clearly
Batman. -Okay, Ridley, He’s gotten
two Oscar nods, right? -Yeah, just give him some
space. -No, listen. We’re going to do
a few more scenes. I want you to stay as far
away from Batman as possible, all right? -Fine. You name the scene,
and I’ll act it out. -Okay, so Moses declaring
himself prophet. -[Batman voice] I’m the
prophet Israel needs. –No!-Another. -Uh, parting the Red Sea. -[Batman voice] Does it come
in black? -How would the Red Sea
come in black? -Challenging Pharaoh’s
sorcerers. Do that one. -[Batman voice] Do you wanna see
a miracle? -Are you adapting
Joker’s lines? -I’m gonna make this staff
turn into a serpent. Ta-da! -No, this is not gonna work. -Why? -I mean, who– Who are you? Think about it. -[Batman voice] I’m Moses.[laughter]-Ridley, Ridley this is
groundbreaking. He’s never played a part
like this before. -Yeah, wealthy orphan
goes into exile, then comes back
to save his people! -That’s the plot of Batman. That was the entire plot of
Batman. You’re hearing yourself,
right? -No. -Ridley, come on. -No, I need a character with
emotion! -[Batman, singing] There can
be miracles! When you believe! -Perfect, yeah. -Look. I’m only gonna do this if I
can get Michael Caine to play the part of Jethro. -He’s not in the running. -Michael? -What? -Mr. Bale? -Why is Michael Caine
in here? -Oh. -Do your Jethro. -Of course. Some men just want to watch
bushes burn. -Okay.[laughter]Thank you, get out. -That was awesome! We should totally put that in
the script. -No, you are not Batman. I think we’ve seen enough. -Darn right! Let’s get him a contract. -That’s not what I meant. -No, he’s perfect for
the part, Ridley. -Yeah, non-negotiable. This is exactly what we’ve
been looking for. -No, I’m the director! I still haven’t given you the
role. -And you’ll never have to.[cheering]Female AI [on phone]:Personalize your voicemail
message at the beep.
[beep] -Hi, you’ve reached Jason. Leave me a message. Jason [on phone]:
Hi, you’ve reached Jason. Leave me a message. [beep] -Hey, this is Jason. Leave me that message! You’ve reached Jason’s phone! Good job. No!
What? Yo, yo, yo, what’s up
homeslice? [yelling] This is
Jason’s phone! Homeslice? Hello? Who is this? You’ve reached Jason– I do not
want to be one of those people. Hi! You’ve reached Jason. -And Whitney! Both: Leave a message! -I do not want to be one
of those people either. This is Jason. Leave your name and number,
even though that information already came up when you
called my phone! Leave a message,
and I’ll, uh, try to get back to you. [sighs] Okay. I got this. [Seinfeld impression]
Yeah, I’m Jerry! I’m stressin’ out over here. You need to leave yourself
a little [clicks and pops] [groans] [Obama impression]
Michelle and I would, uh, appreciate it if you went
ahead and, uh, left a message. [Jack Sparrow impression]
Why is the rum gone? [Christopher Walken
impression] Guys, I gotta have more messages. [Batman impression] It’s not
the message you leave, but what you do
that defines you. [Obama impression] The NSA
is probably listening, uh, so be careful
what you say. [Gollum impression]
My own, my love, my message. [yelling] Leave a message! [high female voice]
This is the voicemail of Jason Gray! [Dieter F. Uchtdorf impression]
Air Force pilot. Why is this so hard?! WHY? [French accent]
Leave a message! [chop] [Spongebob-like warbling] Ugh. I’m done. -Good idea, I’ll call Jason. [phone rings] Female AI [on phone]:You
have reached 555-3012.
Leave a message.-So impersonal. ♪♪ Female voice [on phone]:Hey,
you’ve reached Laura.
Sorry I didn’t answer.Leave a message, and I’ll get
back to you.
[beep] -Hey, Laura. [stammering] It’s–it’s your
date, uh, Jason. I don’t know if you–
Just, I– It’s Jason, your date from the other day. Um, I was just calling to see
if you’d like to see if– how you’re doing. Um, so, anyways, just, uh,
call me back, buddy dog. [laughs] Female robot [on phone]:
To send this message, press 6.
To delete and rerecord,
press 7.
-Oh, bless you,
Verizon engineers. [beep] Thank you. All right. [exhales] You got this. [high voice]
Hi Laura, it’s Jason! [buzzes lips] No. No. [beep] [low voice]
Hi Laura, it’s Jason. Nope, nope.Come on, man.Find the happy medium.All right, just keep it
loose. Keep it loose, keep it loose. [sultry voice] Hey,
baby girl. Mm, how’s my sugar cube? Ah ha– No, no, no. That’s too loose. Um, maybe– Uh–
Something distinguished? Presidential? Presidential, yeah. [Trump impression]
Hello, Laura. It’s Jason Gray. You had a great time on
our date, don’t deny it, okay? Call me back, or I will
deport you, you nasty little– Nope, no,
not that one. [beep] Um, I was wondering if you’d
like to go on a double date with Jimmy Jr. and maybe we
could get some burgers. [groaning] [beep] [Snape impression]
Call me back or ten points from
Gryff– Tinder. I hate myself. [beep] [Singing McDonald’s jingle]
La la la Laura! I’m lovin’ it. Call me back. Pretty please? [Arnold Schwarzenegger
impression] Call me back if you want to date! [beep] [Kermit the Frog impression]
[singing] Why are there so many girls who won’t date me? [beep] [growls like Chewbacca] [beep] [Jack Nicholson impression]
All work and no dating makes Jason a lonely boy. [Liam Neeson impression] I have a very particular
set of skills; skills that I have
acquired from being single a very long time. I will look for you
on match.com. I will find you,
and I will date you. [Like Arnold Schwarzenegger]
Get to the fro-yo stand! Do it! [Kermit impression]
Someday I’ll find it, a human connection. [Trump impression]
Make dating great again. [groaning] [yelling] [Chewbacca groaning] Ha ha, ha ha. [crying] [beeping] [exhales] Okay. [beep] Hi, Laura. It’s Jason. I had a really great time
on our date the other night. I was wondering if you could
call me back. That’d be great. Thanks, bye. [gasps] I did it! Yes. Yes! [beep] Female robot [on phone]:
Messages sent.
-Messages? Female robot [on phone]:
Message 39.
[Chewbacca groaning][cheering]-Well, that seems to cover
everything. Thank you for sorting
that out, Your Majesty. -Of course, Prime Minister. Thank you ever so much. -Well, I’ll leave you to it
then, ma’am. -Just a moment, David. We’re friends, right? Can I confide in you? -Oh, of course, ma’am. -I’ve been perusing the
internet lately, and I’ve noticed some rather
troubling things. -Indeed, ma’am? -Well, for instance, nobody
reposts my tweets![laughter]-I beg your pardon? -It’s been a month, and I haven’t had so
much as a favorite! It’s surprising how much
a small gold star affects my self esteem. -Well, you shouldn’t be too
hard on yourself, ma’am. -Well, that’s easy for you
to say! I mean, I don’t think you
even follow me, do you David? -I don’t, ma’am, no. -Hmm. Well, I posted about you
this morning. I tweeted: “Meeting with the
Prime Minister today. “Hope it’s not a bore. #startingtomissBlair” Is that not funny? -Not particularly, ma’am. -Oh, but of course. Princess gets Instagram, gets immediately liked
by millions for taking a picture of that
chubby dough child! -You mean the royal baby? -Yes! A baby has more likes
than me, David, and he’s only
half royal! -Well, babies sort of
dominate the internet. Have you seen Charlie Bit Me? -Of course I have, David. I knighted Charlie for
that performance. -Well, maybe we should– -I mean, look at this! I took a selfie at the
diamond jubilee, and the only people to
comment on it were trolls! “Queen Elizabeth the second? The sequel is never better. Am I right?” I mean, that’s just hurtful. -Well, perhaps you should
focus your energy onto one social media site. -Well, I have spent a lot of
time on Google+. -Oh, dear. Well, that’s sort of your own
fault, isn’t it, ma’am? -I know. I really thought it’d be the
next big thing.-Well, we could–– Suffering cats! Look at
how many followers Putin has! Putin! The man was in the KGB! -Well, that sort of makes him
awesome. -And yet, Reddit is crawling with memes of him riding bears. -Also awesome. -No, I cannot abide this. Come here, Prime Minister. -What are you doing? -I want you to take
a silly picture of me, but not so silly that I don’t
look attractive. Sort of like a fish face. -[sighs] I really think you
should get down, Your Majesty. -I’m not sure what to do
with my hands. Should I make a peace sign? -[sighs] Please, ma’am– -Oh, oh, oh! Hand me that scepter, David. The crown jewels always make
me feel powerful, and I can hashtag it “#flyhoneyqueen’s
gottheblingbling”. I would do something more, but I respect
the dignity of my title. -No, I can’t stand for this. You are a figurehead known
throughout the world! -Oh, please, David. If the world still cared
about me, then I’d still own it. -Your Majesty,
I think it’s all right if you fall behind
the times a little. I mean, fame is fleeting,
but you’ve created a legacy; one you can truly
be proud of. -Oh, thank you, David. I’m sorry. I suppose it’s easy to get
distracted from what truly matters
in this– [tablet dings] Oh, look! I made BuzzFeed! Oh. The top 10 most irrelevant
old people. -Oh, I’m sorry. -I made BuzzFeed! Oh, David! Oh, David, I feel as if I’m– Oh, what are the children
calling it these days? The cat’s pajamas. -Nobody says that. -Fetch me my crown, David. I want to go wave at the
peasants.[cheering]-Okay, here’s one. All right, all right,
all right. -Matt Damon,Martian.-No. -Nailed it. -We’re getting closer. Keep watching. -Oh, yeah. Yeah. They get better. They get better. Male announcer:
Yet another morning show,
this is Wake Up U.S.A.[laughing] -Oh, yes. [laughing] -Welcome back to
Wake Up U.S.A. We’ve just been chatting with
the fabulous Celine Dion![cheering]-Yeah, yeah. -Now, Celine, can I just say
what a big fan I am. -Oh, Linda, you’re so sweet. Linda:No, really.I must havelistened to
“My Heart Will Go On” a million times! -[laughs] Try two million
times. [laughing] -Oh, Paul! -Ow, stop. Stop.[laughter]-Well, I am very touched. -Well said. Now, I also hear that your
daughter is in the audience. Is that correct? -Yes, my darling Lexi. Linda:And, if I’m not
mistaken,
Lexi is also working on
a music career of her own. -Well, she’s very young, so she’s not at the professional
level, by any means. -Oh, come on, she’s great! -Hey, where is Lexi? Let’s just bring her on up. She’s just so cute! -Uh, I don’t think that– -Get a microphone on that girl! Come on![cheering]-Hey, Lexi, I heard you
singing in the dress rehearsal. You’ve got some pipes, girl! -Thank you. -No, really. I have never heard such
a beautiful voice. -Never in my whole life. -You’re the best by far! -Yeah! -Oh, well, she did get those
pipes from somewhere! Me. -So, Lexi, how old are you? -I’m 12. I started singing
when I was two. -Two? -Two years old? -That is impressive! Get out of town! -Incredible. -Well, I started singing much
younger than that, so. -Younger than two? -Yes. As a fetus.[laughter]-Okay. -Isn’t she a riot, folks? But back to the adorable
Lexi. Lexi, lady, I can see your
name up in lights. You might even outshine
your mom! -[laughing] No, no. I mean, I have won
five Grammys. So, I don’t think Lexi can
say that. Can you? -No, no, I can’t. -No, she can’t. -Those are really, really
big shoes to fill! I mean, Lexi, what is it like
having a mom who is the world’s most renowned
diva, at least of last decade? -Oh, yeah. [audience groans] Celine’s on her way out,
but Lexi’s on her way in. -Yes. You know what, Celine, how
about instead of singing a solo, you perform a duet with
your daughter? -Oh, no, I don’t think Lexi
would want– -I have always wanted to sing
alongside my mom. [audience groans] -Who can say no to that, huh? Really, no one is allowed
to say no to that. -Hey, Lexi, is there a
favorite song you’d like to sing for us? -I love “Amazing Grace.” -Really, you couldn’t have
chosen one of my songs? -Okay, everyone. Give it up for Lexi! And Celine. -Celine and Lexi. [Amazing Grace begins] ♪ -Amaz– ♪ -You started without
me, dear. ♪ –ing Grace! ♪ ♪ How sweet the sound. ♪ Together: ♪ That saved a
wretch like me! ♪ Lexi: ♪I oncewas lost. ♪ ♪ -But now, am found– ♪
[coughing] I’m sorry, can I get
some water? -How dare you mention water
on this show. -I just– I just– Okay. ♪ -‘Twas blind,
yes I was blind. ♪ ♪ Oh, I was blind, ♪ but now I was blind. ♪ -[clears throat] ♪ -But now, I see. ♪ -Wow. -Wow. My goodness! What a voice! I’ve got chills! Feel ’em, Paul! -Brr, that’s cold. -All right, she was okay,
yes, but– -Five Grammys for Lexi,
the new diva in town! You deserve these. -It’s not like they’re real
Grammys– Wait, those are mine. -Well, I think we can
all agree that these belong to
the amazing Lexi. -Yes. You’re grounded. -Oh.[cheering]-Oh, wait, you know what,
guys? Sorry, I just wanted to– Before we get started
Christmas caroling, I just wanted to thank
you for coming. This is really special that
we get to do this together, and Celine Dion, thank
you so muchfor joining our little group
again this year.
Um, but Celine, I just– So, last year you stole the
stage just a little bit, so maybe this time you
could not do that? -Oh, that’s gonna be hard. -Please just say you’ll try. -You’ll try. [dog barking] -Okay, close enough. Let’s go. [singing] Fa la la la la,
la la la la. Don we now our gay apparel,
fa la la, la la la, la la la. Seven swans a-swimming,
six geese a-laying– -Five golden rings! -Celine! Sh, sh, sh. Bring it down, bring it down,
okay? [singing] Joy to the world– -Joy to the world! -No! Okay, Celine? No. All right, there is no joy,
there is no peace, and your heart
will not go on! -Oh, that’s a low blow. -Just why do you have this? Okay, I’m very sorry. Merry Christmas. Okay, everyone. So, our last house is
old Mrs. Fipps. Everyone stay warm, we’re going to be singing
“O Holy Night.” -Oh, um, “O Holy Night”
is sort of my song. I mean, if you look it up,
it actually says, “O Holy Night
by Celine Dion.” I just think if you don’t
want me to do what I do, that maybe we should sing
something less powerful, like “Frosty the Snowman,”
or– -What? No! This is our finale, okay? So help me, you must
contain yourself. -No, you’re right. I will fade into
the background. [windchimes play] -No chimes, Celine. -Less ding, I promise. -Just put them down. Put them down. -Okay. [singing] O, holy night, the
stars are brightly shining, it is the night of our dear
Savior’s birth. The thrill of hope, the weary
world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new
and glorious morn. [music intensifies]
-Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices. Noel, noel. O night, o night divine. -Celine. That was beautiful. -Oh, thank you, thank you. I know, yes.It happens a lot.[cheering]-Hey, welcome to Teddy’s
Story Joint. Can I take your order? -Actually, I just got hired. -Oh, you must be Whitney. Come on back, I’ll show you
around. -Okay. -All right, so the way this
place works is anyone writing a book,
you know, for a novel, movie, TV show– -Right. -They come in here and we sell
them plots and characters. You know, anything they
could want. -Shouldn’t they be writing
those themselves? -[laughs] You’re cute. Hey, Jane Austen. How are ya?[audience laughs]She’s a regular. -I’d like a plot today. The usual. -What’s the usual? -Girl likes a guy, looks like
she won’t get the guy, but then she does, with a witty
social critique on the side? -You know how I like it.[audience laughs]-Order up. -All single women thank you.[laughter]-Wait, so you’re saying that
she uses the same plot in every book? -Every book, yeah. -Well, that’s wrong! -Hey, George Lucas, J. K. Rowling.[laughter]-How are ya. -Hi, Teddy. I’d like a protagonist. Teddy:Uh huh.-White, teenage male. Everyone calls him
“the Chosen One.” -Oh, I’ll have
what he’s having.[audience laughs]-And how would you like
them cooked? -Let’s go with never knew
his parents, raised by his aunt and uncle,
trained by a wise old man. -Yes, I want it. -Anything on the side? -How about possesses powers
he doesn’t know about, great at flying, super whiny. -Mhmm. I will get the same,
thank you.[laughter]-Anything else? -No. -Uh, yes. Can I get a small,
ordinary object with the dark lord’s
soul inside it? -Oh, we just sold our
last one to Mr. Tolkien.[laughter]-Ugh. Muggles. -Great. Now two huge sagas are going
to have the exact same main characters. -Uh, Harry wears glasses.[laughter]-You know, Whitney,
you remind me of our other employee, Matt. He used to have a problem
with the work, too, but now– Matt:Hey, boss,the new
batch of characters came in. Real bland. -Just save it for the new
Twilight book. -You got it.[laughter]-Okay, I refuse to be a part
of a company that plagiarizes! -Whoa, we do not plagiarize. -Um, I’m writing
“The Life of Pi,” and I’d like to get a man
who befriends a tiger and no one
believes him. -Matt, heat up
Calvin and Hobbes. Matt:Comin’ up![laughter]-Okay. Really? -You know, Whitney, you need to get off of your
high horse, okay? I mean, take Ernest Hemingway
here. Without our help, he’d still
be on the streets. -Hey, uh, hey Ted. I’m a little short on change. Could I get some cheap
characters? -All right. That’ll get you an old man,
and because I like you, I’ll throw in the sea.[laughter]-This is gonna be so boring.[laughter]-All those poor high
schoolers. -You see all the good we do? Not to mention the help we
give the film industry. -Hey, Teddy! -Hey, Mr. Bruckheimer,
how are ya? -Can I get a refill on
Pirates of the Caribbean?[audience laughs]-Again? You know, they get more
watered down after each one. -Yeah, I don’t care.[laughter]-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t shake it up too much. I want it to taste exactly
like the first four.[laughter]-Hey, boss, we just had a big
grease fire explosion in the kitchen. -Give it to Michael Bay.[laughter]-Okay, Teddy, this has
got to stop. Storytelling is based on
artistic integrity. You have to shut
this place down. -Whoa, we shut
this place down and the whole nation crumbles. Your politicians need us. -What? -Hey, Mr. Senator. -Teddy, how are ya? -I’m doin’ good. -Okay, so, look here. We have three embezzlements,
two scandals, a debt crisis, and a whole
lot of campaign corruption, so. [laughs] We’re gonna need a
lot of really great stories, uh, to go. -Okay. There you go. -Ah, perfect. [inhales] Smells believable. Let’s go.[laughter][cheering]-Oh, R.L. Stine, the R.L. Stine, sir, I have read all
of the Goosebumps series. I am– Uh, we are huge fans.[laughter]-Thank you. -Yeah, seriously, every time
I’d read your books, they’d give me chills,
or goosebumps, on my– her arms. -Yes. I’m glad that I could find my
way into the creeping shadows of your childhood.[laughter]-Uh, yeah. Look over there. Oh.[laughter]Just so you know, this guy’s
kinda creepy. Oh.[cheering]-You can’t scare me. -Come on, honey,
it’ll be okay. -Oh, hello. -Yes, hello Mr. Stine. I’m Ann Withers. -Jen? -Ann. -Glenn? -Ann. -Yen? -Ann! Ann, Ann. -Oh, Ann. -Yes, Ann. Seriously? It’s three letters long. Sorry if I’m a bit
out of sorts. I seem to be having
a bad hair day. -Yes, that’s very innovative. -May I take a picture
with you? -Okay. -Okay, yes, here we go.[laughter]-Say cheese and die![laughter]Oh, oh dear. My finger seems to be over
the lens. One more, eh? -Say cheese and die again![laughter]-Okay, thank you, Ann. -Uh, maybe after this
is all over, you’d like to come
out with me. We could, uh, take a walk
down ghost beach. -Actually, I’m afraid I must
say goodbye now. We have to keep this
line moving. -Oh, yes, of course. -Goodbye, Ann. -Uh, Ann, yes. These are mine. -Yeah, see you later. -Sweet girl, eh. Not unlike yourself,
I’m sure. [groans][laughter]-You already got a book
signed, Ann. -Ann! -You have to leave! -How could you tell
it was me?[laughter]-This is a shocker
on shock street. Which, incidentally, is one
of your weaker titles. Were you even trying
on that one? -I don’t try on any of them.[laughter][cheering]-Well, um, I just came back
to tell you that you spelled my name wrong. You just wrote the letter N
three times.[laughter]-Nothing I can do about
that now. -No, no, please! Go eat worms! No, no. -Ann, enough. Watching you run is
exhausting me.[laughter]-Mr. Stine, you possess a sort of
magic in your gaze, and I am under
the magician’s spell. [crowd groans] -Are you coming on to me? No one has ever done that.[laughter]-Oh, your pulse
is very quick. Either your heart is racing, or your veins are full
of monster blood. -Mm, you make all my titles
sound so much better. -I wish I could come up with
your titles for all of time. -Be careful what
you wish for.[cheering]-Mm. -Would you care to
have lunch with me? We could have
chicken chicken. -Sounds delicious. -Uh, Mr. Stine, what should I
do about the people that are in line still? -Tell them why I’m
afraid of bees. -Why are you? -It’s just a book title,
Jeremy. So, Ann, how old are you? -I prefer to leave that
indeterminate.[cheering]Smeagle: Do you think we
could eat something besides nasty orcses, precious? Gollum: Yes, I’ll just
makeses a fancy reservation at that elf restaurant
we love. Gollum. Smeagle: Well, can we
at least cooks it? Gollum: Yes, and then I’ll
bakes the bread, pour on the barbecue sauces,
and have pulled orc sandwiches.[laughter]Smeagle: Sounds tasty! Gollum: No! We eats it raw. Other voice: Smeagle’s right,
Gollum. Eating undercooked meat significantly increases one’s
chance for food-borne illness. Gollum: Who are you? Other voice: Ah, how
rude of me. My name is Sir Jeffrey.[laughter]Gollum: I’m confused. Sir Jeffrey: Well, Gollum,
you’re not the only personality who lives here,
you know. You’re not lord of the brain
[laughs] Gollum: Did you invites him? Smeagle: No! I’ve already got enough
issueses. [valley girl voice]:
Whatever. You guys are being, like,
so lame right now, and this cave is super tacky. Gollum: Okay, who invited
the teenage girlses? Teenage girl: And
this outfit, like, totally clashes with
my skin tone. Gollum: Go away, and never
come backs! Teenage girl: Uh, don’t tell
me what to do, freak show. Smeagle: How many peopleses
is in here? Sir Jeffrey: Oh, just
the four of us, I think. Bill Cosby: Don’t forget
the Cosby! Bop ba do! Smeagle: I’m getting
a migrainses. Sir Jeffrey: Very good
to see you, Bill. Hey, have any of you seen
a gold ring, by chance? Bill Cosby: Or some
Jello pudding? Smeagle: We had a ring,
but we lost it. Sir Jeffrey: Oh, what
happened? Was it stolen? Gollum: Yes. By a big, nasty beastes. Sir Jeffrey: Really? Smeagle: No. It was a hobbitses. Three feet tall, super
embarassings. Teenage girl: Whatever. Gold rings are, like,
so last year. Gollum: My precious! Bill Cosby: It’s funny
because Gollum come in here, and he makes a face
like this. [yells] [imitates Gollum]
My precious! Gollum: Hey Cosbys. I’ve got a riddles for you. What wears obnoxious
sweaterses but doesn’t breathe? Bill Cosby: The kids today,
with the riddles and the brain damage. Smeagle: Oh, what
is going onses. -Search and rescue, are you
Jason Gray? -Oh, hey. [groans] -Are you the only one
in here? We heard voices. -Yeah, just me. Smeagle: And us! Jason: Shh! -Oh. What happened to you? -Things, man. When you’ve been down here
as long as I have, your mind starts
to play games. -You’ve been missing for
two hours. -What? It’s a good thing you found
me when you did! -Yeah. We’re still looking for
Jeremy, though. Any sign of him– Whose leg is that? Bill Cosby:
Jello pudding! Bop ba do![cheering]-Hey. -‘Sup. -Hey. How’d your test go? -Oh, really well. And by that, I mean I fell
asleep and missed it.[laughter]-Hey, uh, just so you know,
man, Sid’s kinda been
on one today. -Again? Man, that dude is the worst. You know, yesterday he tried
to get me to throw a broomstick between
someone’s tire spokes? -Okay. That’s messed up, man. -Seriously. The kid was like
five years old.[laughter][cheering]-Good evening, roommates. -Hey, Darth Sidious. How was your day? -Exactly as I had forseen. -I don’t know why I ask
anymore. -Mm, I can feel your
frustration. Frustration is a path to the
dark side. Take my weapon,
strike me down, and your journey towards the
dark side will be complete. -Sid, man, seriously. You are obsessed with being
struck down. No one in this apartment
is going to do it, so stop asking. -Okay, but the offer’s still
on the table for whoever.[laughs]-Okay, who drank
the rest of the milk and put the empty
jug back in there? -It was I who finished
the milk. Mm, I can feel the hatred
swelling within you. Take the milk jug, strike me
down– -Sid, this is not healthy, man![laughter]Go ahead and finish. -And your journey towards the
dark side will be complete.[laughter]Thank you. That was nice. -Oh, there we go,
there we go! -Wow, you guys are doing
really well. -Right? These guys are getting
worked. -Good, good. Use those agressive feelings,
boy. -Okay, how did he come in
in the middle of the game? It’s online. It doesn’t make sense. -Oh, I am defenseless! Strike my spartan down
with all of your anger. -Done. -What? Oh! -That was good. -That was gruesome,
but finally, your path to the dark side
is complete. -Nah, I’m good. -What do you mean, nah? You totally struck him down! Just say that counts! Will just one of you come
to the dark side? I get so lonely.[laughter]-Come on, Sid. The dark side is
totally lame. -Your mother is totally lame.[laughter]What? Must have been the wind,
the force, or something. I don’t know. -Okay, not cool, Sid. -I know. I’m sorry. I just– Wait, no. This is exactly what I want! I can feel your hatred.[laughter]-I think you need to
apologize. -No. In fact, your mother
is so fat it’s like the Death Star put on
a pair of pants![laughter]-Oh, no he didn’t. -Oh, he did. By the way, Jabba the Hut
called. He wants your mother to come
over so that he can feel skinny. Matt:Oh, snap.-Snap indeed. In fact, if you won’t join me,
maybe she will. We can call her
Darth Cellulite. -That’s it. -Yes. Strike me down! Oh, that is so much hotter
than I expected. Maybe we should reconsider
the whole striking down thing. Yes, yes, Stephen,
let’s play canasta! Search your feelings! Ah![cheering]♪♪ ♪♪ -Wow, it’s so beautiful here,
Luke. -You know, techincally, a Jedi
isn’t supposed to fall in love, but seeing as how
I’m the only one. Man:Luke.She has a cold sore. [kiss sound] -It’s not a big deal. -Not a big deal? I’m pretty sure Boba Fett
fell into that thing. [ship engine] Man [on radio]:
Master Skywalker,
the plans should be in
control room B,
just around the next corner.♪♪ Clone:Hey, stop right there.[blasters shooting] -I’ve been spotted and they
shot my lightsaber. Obi-Wan:Luke.-Not now, Ben. I’m on a mission. -Luke. -Ugh. Get out of here. -Luke. [groans] -We have reason to believe the Empire plans
to attack tomorrow.In other news, we’ve
received some complaints
from the inhabitants of Hoth.There’s been mysterious
yellow snow appearing…
[music begins] …I don’t want to place
fingers or name any names,
but they also said that…-I don’t want to start
rumors, but do you know who also has
a cold sore? Chewy. Yeah. Sad, but true-y. -Yeah? -Yeah. Deal with it. -Mm. I’m loving it.I’m loving all of it.You’re worse than Jabba,
big mac,
but I’m going to eat you
anyways.
Jedi one, Jedi two,
return of the Jedi.Yes, the beef is strong
with this one, yes.
Look. I know your only other kiss
was your sister, and that’s a tough one
to end on. But have some respect
for yourself. Luke, this is good
for the soul. How do you think Yoda lived
until he was 900, huh? [droid beeping] Luke! -What do you want? -I’m bored. -Are we on like a volcano
planet or something? -Why is it so hot in here,
Ben? -I used the force to crank
the thermostat to 110 degrees. -Why? -Hot yoga, baby! And like you couldn’t use the
extra burn. I’ve seen that Jabba the
huffin-top you’ve been hiding under them robes. [singing Star Wars theme]
Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-luke,Lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-luke…-I should go. -What? -Trust me. You dodged a laser blast
on that one. Plus, given your track
record, she was probably your cousin
or something.Perhaps something
much more. [blasters shooting] Don’t worry, Luke. I’ll protect you. -Ah! My good hand! -Okay, the really amazing
thing here is that he actually
hit something. [groans] [clapping] Luke:What was that?-I don’t know. [choking] Ah, no, Luke, please! No, I-I-I– I’m kidding. The Jedi chokehold
doesn’t work on a ghost, it just goes right through. All right, um, let’s do some
sun salutations and call it good. Namaste. Namaste, namaste, namaste. ♪♪ -[Gandalf impression] You
shall push subscribe! -Frodo! Boom. Like and comment, guys. We’ll see ya later. -Yes. [mumbling] -Are you throwing up? Oh, comment. [mumbles] Like!

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