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Five Stars – SNL

Five Stars – SNL


>>THIS GUY HAS FOUR STARS.
I WONDER WHAT MY RATING IS. HOW THE [BLEEP] AM I A 3.9?
I GUESS I DO MAKE THE DRIVERS WAIT A LOT.
>>3.9 STARS? WHAT IS HE A PSYCHO?
>>I WONDER WHAT MY RATING IS. 3.9?
WELL, I GUESS I DID HIT THAT KID.
>>OKAY, I GOT TO GET MY RATING UP TO AT LEAST 4.
I’M GONNA NEED A FIVE STAR REVIEW.
>>FIVE-STAR RIDE. YOU CAN DO THIS, PETROS.
>>OKAY, NOW TRY TO FORM A CONNECTION. ASK HIM SOMETHING
ORIGINAL, THOUGHTFUL. SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE WOULD ASK.
SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRIVING AN UBER?
NAILED IT.>>IS GOOD QUESTION.
I’VE BEEN DRIVING ABOUT SIX MONTHS.
>>COOL.>>NOW YOU ASK HIM A QUESTION.
SOMETHING PLEASANT AND NON-CONFRONTATIONAL.
WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU? DAMN IT.
>>OH, I’M NOT REALLY THAT RELIGIOUS.
I PUT ON SOME MUSIC. WHAT WOULD HE LIKE…?
>>IS THIS WHAT HE THINKS I LIKE?
>>HUH?>>YEAH I LOVE THIS STYLE OF
MUSIC.>>OR I CAN PUT SOMETHING ELSE
ON?>>ALRIGHT THINK.
>>AM I RACIST FOR THINKING THIS IS THE MUSIC HE LIKES?
>>I DO LIKE RUSSIAN TRANCE MUSIC.
YOU CAN DO THIS PETROS. FIVE-STAR RIDE.
USE THE MINTS. PEOPLE LOVE THE MINTS.
YOU WANT MINTS?>>UM, SURE.
>>AND MINT.>>OH GREAT.
>>JUST FOR YOU, TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.
>>ARE THESE OFF BRAND RUSSIAN MINTS?
JUST TAKE THE MINT.>>WAIT, WAIT, I SPILLED SOUP.
>>OH MAN IS THAT CUBA GOODING JR?
>>WHAT NO WAY.>>THIS IS A REALLY GOOD MINT,
THANKS MAN!>>I SAW THAT.
>>HE TOTALLY SAW THAT. DUDE’S FREAKING OUT.
THINK, YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIVE RATING.
HOW’S THAT? A LITTLE SHOULDER MASSAGE.
YOU SEEMED A LITTLE TENSE.>>IT’S NICE.
>>GOOD YES.>>YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIM.
>>IS THIS OKAY?>>SURE YEAH.
>>OOTSIE BOOTSIE.>>TOOTSIE. NICE.
>>IS ALL ABOUT PRESSURE POINTS.>>WATCH THE [BLEEP] OUT.
GET OUT OF THE WAY. WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?
>>THIS WHOLE HORSE AND PONY SHOW TO IMPRESS EACH OTHER.
>>THESE RATINGS HAVE DRIVEN US CRAZY.
>>IS LIKE EPISODE OF “BLACK MIRROR” OR SOMETHING!
OH MAN, YOU WATCH “BLACK MIRROR” TOO?
[ TOGETHER ]>>THAT’S MY FAVORITE SHOW.
>>WELL, THIS IS ME.>>HEY.
FIVE STARS.>>RIGHT BACK AT YOU, BROTHER.
HAVE A GOOD ONE, PETROS.>>ADIOS, COWBOY.
>>WHOA! PETROS, WHAT THE [BLEEP]!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

100 comments on “Five Stars – SNL

  1. I just laughed so hard about the quest for five stars🤣
    And ask something non confrontational and says what religion are you?🤣🚘

  2. I have a 4.8 rating on Uber, which seems like a personal attack seeing as I give nothing but 5 stars, even if they run red lights

  3. Great video. Slightly unrealistic. Drivers are deactivated at 4.6, riders rarely have below 4.5.
    If folks act like humans 5 stars is almost guaranteed, as 5 is a pass. Less than 5 is a fail.

  4. AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH. I feel the mints are bulgarian but obviously I would not know from just these words for sure.

  5. As an Uber driver I find this hilarious! After driving for 2 1/2 years I’ve made a video of how you can increase your rating based off all of my crazy experiences on my channel

  6. Did anyone notice how they start (1:14) and end (3:57) with a different Prius? I mean it doesn't matter much but just can't stop thinking about it.

  7. they shouldn't have censored it. aziz's line delivery of exclamations is always so on point, the censoring ruined it

  8. Did anyone notice that the car at the start is a white Prius Gen III but the car that hit the pedestrian with is a grey Prius Gen II?????

  9. Got kicked off Lyft back when Trump ran against Hillary. They kept asking who you think will win/who are you voting for? I said Trump. Got 1 starred out of a job.

  10. Wait a minute, didn’t SNL fire someone recently for making fun of another cultures accent? So not long before that they made an entire sketch racial stereotyping Uber drivers and making fun of another cultures accent? I’m confused on where they stand.

  11. IDK why people always have to talk about something. these nonsense conversations. im a kinda person who cant just talk about shit, like how do you like the weather today or how long have you been driving for this company – i know everyone asks this, and i dont care. its none of my business. What i really enjoy is silence. you still hear bullshitting all day long…

  12. Twist ending: Aziz Ansari invites Petros over to his pad in Tribeca where he makes sexual advances on him until Petros writes about it in a feminist magazine

  13. I always wondered if you could see your rating, just checked mine, 5*, what a surprise, a clean cut guy who is always standing outside waiting for the Uber and tips every time. Geez alot of you people are garbage human beings.

  14. Iv used uber over a thousand times, the only people who even bring up and mention anything about rating them 5 stars are the drivers who don't deserve it.

  15. Oh man, up until now I didn't even realize the drivers could rate me. What will happen to me now? Massages 😮😯

  16. Idiots giving out 5-star reviews don't realize there's nowhere to go if they actually wind up with top notch 5-star service.

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